De Afghaanse bevolking heeft solidariteit nodig, geen politiemissie.

Vandaag schreef Ina Brouwer, oud-Kamerlid en oud-partijleider van Groen Links, een artikel in de Volkskrant over de politiemissie in Afghanistan. Zij heeft het over de meisjes in Afghanistan die van het onderwijs uitgesloten waren, over zieke vrouwen die verboden werden een arts te bezoeken omdat alleen mannen toegang hadden tot de gezondheidszorg, over de uithuwelijking en het verbod om je als vrouw zonder boerka in het openbaar te vertonen. Inderdaad de staat van de rechtsstaat in Afghanistan is, op zijn zachts gedrukt, heel erg beroerd, als er überhaupt sprake is van een rechtsstaat. In hetzelfde artikel schreef ze verder “Of je het wendt of keert; er ligt een verantwoordelijkheid, ook bij Nederland,…”. En in deze context verdedigde Ina Brouwer het standpunt van Groen Links over de kwestie politiemissie in Afghanistan.

Ik vind deze beredenering geforceerd, kort door de bocht, en heel defensief. Zo niet, heel bevoogdend, als in “laten wij maar even de rechtsstaat in Afghanistan in orde brengen”. Dat Ronald Plasterk de kwestie over de politiemissie in Afghanistan gereduceerd heeft tot “een keuze tussen een school of een Afghaanse politieman” vind ik ook zo ongelukkig. Volgens mij heeft Plasterk hiermee de plank misgeslagen.

Wat is dan mijn alternatief? Ik vind dat de internationale gemeenschap wel haar verantwoordelijkheid moet nemen rondom de situatie van de Afghaanse bevolking. De geëigende instantie die hierover moet gaan lijkt mij de Verenigde Naties. Niet de NAVO, noch de Verenigde Staten. Omdat de politiemissie binnen de kaders van de NAVO plaats zal vinden, plaats deze missie in een militaire context. En zo kan er geen sprake zijn van een wederopbouw. Ik vind het onbegrijpelijk dat de Verenigde Naties haar verantwoordelijkheid rondom de kwestie in Afghanistan niet neemt. Hier ligt dus een taak van Nederland richting de internationale gemeenschap. Zeker geen snelle oplossing, maar een blijvende oplossing vereist nou eenmaal een breed draagvlak die nou eenmaal een proces nodig heeft.

Dit brengt me tot een belangrijk uitgangspunt. Ik vind dat een land, welk land dan ook, zich alleen kan ontwikkelen van binnenuit, door haar intrinsieke krachten. Dit vereist nou eenmaal een proces. Wij kunnen misschien een dictatuur omverwerpen, zoals hoe de Verenigde Staten dat met Irak deed. Maar ik betwijfel het heel erg of de Irakese bevolking daarmee werd geholpen. Een politiemissie naar Afghanistan sturen, binnen een militaire context, is naar mijn mening een misplaatste solidariteit. Ons inspannen om het draagvlak voor internationale steun aan de Afghaanse bevolking te vergroten is solidariteit. De Afghaanse migranten en vluchtelingen die nu in Nederland wonen kansen bieden zodat ze een bijdrage kunnen leveren aan de wederopbouw in hun land van herkomst is solidariteit. De lokale initiatieven van de Afghaanse bevolking, vooral in gebieden die al redelijk vreedzaam zijn, ondersteunen is solidariteit. Solidariteit gaat uit van de kracht van de ander, en deze kracht proberen te vergroten. Dit is wat de Afghaanse bevolking nodig heeft. Het is geen snelle oplossing, maar biedt zeker, naar mijn mening, meer kansen voor een blijvende oplossing.

The trap of a welfare state?

When I came to The Netherlands 26 years ago I was very much impressed how the basic services such as health care, education, income security, etc. in this country are being taken cared of by the government.
Everybody here is required by law to have a health insurance which covers almost all health care needs. The monthly payment for health insurance may be relatively high, ranging between € 110,- to € 140,- per person per month. But once you get sick you'll realize that this is all worth it, as you can really concentrate on just getting better, not to have to keep on counting your cents with every treatment you have to undergo. Even the most expensive treatments, like that for cancer, heart bypass operations and kidney dialysis, are 100% covered by health insurance.

Elementary and high school education are compulsory for all children up to 16 years of age. And since it is compulsory it is also provided for free. By the way, the Dutch government is very serious about the education being compulsory. Parents can pay big fines if their children skip school or arrive late on a regular basis. Facilities, such as special transportation, are also provided for handicapped children so that they can attend school. And for higher education, there is a system of student financing that grants students a loan for their expenses while in college. If the student finishes his/ her study on time, this loan is transformed as a gift, meaning that one need not pay it back.

People who don't have any income from work or otherwise, get a monthly social security payment. This is not much, but enough to pay one's basic needs for shelter, food and clothing.
These are but just a glimpse, from a very long list, of what is taken cared of by the government in this country.

So actually, when you think about it, with all these social systems in place, one really doesn't need anybody but the government in this country. It's really a good thing that the government takes care of its people. This is what a welfare state is like.

In the Philippines, the situation is quite different. The basic services of education and health care are accessible to only those who have the money to pay these services. In the Philippines, the social security does not come from the government, but from our family and social network. Unlike in The Netherlands where the people seem not to need anybody but their government, in the Philippines the people need everybody around them. While in The Netherlands, people can do without others, we in the Philippines can't do without others. It's unfortunate that the Philippine government is not capable of taking care of the basic needs of its people. But on the other side of this misfortune lies a positive side - we Filipinos have learned to help each other and make the most of what we have. This is what the spirit of bayanihan is like.

Is having a welfare state incompatible with the spirit of bayanihan? Or is it possible to combine the best elements of a welfare state and the spirit of bayanihan?

Life is so relative

Life is so relative. During the heights when the typhoon Ondoy caused a lot of destruction in the Philippines, I was practically hooked on Facebook, looking at all the news and YouTube films showing the extent of the damage to lives and properties. As a Filipina abroad I felt so helpless not being able to do anything (though I contributed to the relief operations) to help my kababayans.
At about the same period I was trying to address a complaint of a resident in a neighbourhood. As a city councilor I get these sort of complaints every now and then. This resident complained about the placing of a children's playground right in front of her house. According to her this is causing her a lot of stress, with all the noise the children were making. I went to visit her to hear out her complaints, and I could not help recalling what my father used to say about the noise of playing children, that "when you hear children playing, the angels are around". I was then tempted to share this with the woman complaining, but held back. I had to remind myself that life is so relative. For this woman, this problem was real and probably her biggest concern at that moment.
When I was watching a house (and all those people on its roof) being washed away by the flood caused by the typhoon Ondoy, in one of the YouTube films, I could just imagine how terrible it was for all those people out there. For those people, what was happening to them was real and was their biggest concern at that moment. I know that life is so relative. I just sometimes find it difficult to deal with it when I live in two perspectives.

Domestic helpers

Last December/January I visited the Philippines for a month. It was nice to see family members and old friends again. But one thing though which made an impression on me was the situation of domestic helpers. I'm of course familiar with the practice of having domestic helpers in the Philippines, so this was not something new to me. What however continued to bother me is the fact that the situation of domestic helpers hasn't changed at all for the better. While it seems that the income of some segment of the Filipinos has grown (more and more people eat out and the shopping malls are always full of buying public!), the salaries of domestic helpers have remained very low, ranging from P 1,500.00 to 2,500.00 (pesos) per month. In Manila, the salaries of domestic helpers are maybe a bit higher, ranging up to P 3,000.00 (pesos) per month. This amount is not even enough to buy a branded pair of pants! Just a few days after our arrival in the Philippines I bought a dress to wear to our birthday party, as my husband and I were holding a party to celebrate our 50th birthdays. It was actually just a simple dress which costs around P 2,000.00 (pesos). I then requested the domestic helper of my in-laws where we stayed to wash my new dress before I would wear it. I didn't bother to take off the price tag. But when I realized how much the domestic helpers are earning, I really felt so ashamed of myself!

It's not only the low wages which bothers me, but also the unchanged working conditions of domestic helpers. They don't have clear working hours. As they live in the house of the family they worked for, they are in practice always on-call to do errands for the family. They don't have any SSS benefits (pension benefits), no health insurance, no clear number of vacation leave with pay, etc. This situation has always been the case years ago. But what surprised me a lot is the fact that seemingly the gains of the workers' unions struggle for the betterment of workers' conditions have not reached the domestic helpers. Hasn't any union thought about the domestic helpers? And what about the various people's organizations? And what about all those women organizations (as most of the domestic helpers are women) fighting for the rights of women? It's really very sad to see that seemingly nobody has ever thought about the plight of our domestic helpers. Days after my return back to The Netherlands, I still keep thinking about the sad state of our domestic helpers. I feel so frustrated that I can't do anything about it from where I am. I just hope that this blog will inspire somebody out there in the Philippines to do something to improve the situation of our domestic helpers, and let them also go with the tide of development in the country.

Dancing can be a form of relation therapy

Yes, you got it right! Dancing can be a form of relation therapy, and it's fun and relaxing too. I'm taking ballroom and Latin dance lessons together with my husband for 3 years now. And I came to realize that it can really be a form of relation therapy.

Dancing reveals a lot about the nature of ones relationship. In dancing, the woman has to let herself be led by the man. As our dance instructor would always tell us, "Trust your partner, let him lead. If he doesn't , then don't take it over". Right from the start of our dance lessons, we immeidately noticed that I find it hard to let myself be led by my husband. This actually reflects a lot about our relationship. In our relationship I tend to just do my own things, and my husband has his own things too. And we are used to just coordinating our activities. We enjoy though talking about each of our activities, but we are sort of independent from each other in what we do. But we were really never conscious of this, until we started taking dance lessons. How we dance reflects a lot about the nature of our relationship. We have really never come to a point in our dancing that my husband has the leading role. We sort of learned to accept it and live by it, and just found a practical solution to it by coordinating the dance steps we will be doing, and which direction we will be dancing. And somehow by doing this, we are able to pretty much dance in step with each other. We do make mistakes, and sometimes argue who made the mistake. But more often we are able to laugh at our mistakes. We are not really the best dancers in our group, though we are not the worst either. But more importantly we enjoy our dancing lessons very much. It is very relaxing, fun to do and especially fun to do together. Just like our relationship, we get along pretty well by coordinating our activities, activities we do independently from each other and thus giving each of us the space and room to work on our personal development in our own manner and pace. Just like dancing, we talk about it and make sure that we are still in pace with each other. Just like dancing we enjoy the company of each other, we sometimes argue about things, but more importantly we can laugh about our mistakes. Just like dancing, our relationship is very relaxing, and we have fun being together. So, why don't you take dancing lessons with your partner and discover the nature of your relationship. It's fun!

On marriage

Today I would like to share with you some of my thoughts about marriage and relationships. Here are some portions of a speech I made in the occasion of the wedding of a niece of mine, which pretty much reflect what I think about marriage and relationships.

A wedding is traditionally the moment when the bride is given away by her family to the groom and his family. Then the bride becomes an official member of the groom’s family. And this is symbolized by taking on the family name of the groom by the bride. However, I believe that the essence of marriage is something more than this. In the first place, I don’t think that marriage is giving away the bride to the groom. Rather, in marriage both families gain a new member into their family, so that both families have become “extended families” of each other.

Secondly and more importantly, I believe that marriage is an expression of the couple's commitment for each other. A commitment to build their own family based on their love and respect for each other. Marriage is also an expression of shared commitment of both families of the bride and groom to give support to this new couple who are about to build their own family.

To build their own family, based on the values they have learned from their respective parents and from their environment. Naturally, they will be making their own choices and decisions; choices and decisions which may, or may not be, to the liking of their respective parents. And in the process they may even make mistakes. I believe that the new couple deserves to have their own space, enough space which allows them to make their own mistakes and learn from them. This means respecting and accepting the choices and decisions they will be making, and having the trust and confidence that we, as parents, have imparted to them the knowledge and values necessary for them to be able to make decisions that are best for them.

As I already mentioned earlier, marriage is an expression of the couple's commitment to each other. Commitment is most often associated with making sacrifices for the sake of the other. But I would rather say, commitment is growing together and continuing to enrich each others lives. Each person in marriage has a commitment to herself/himself to continue to grow and develop, so that she/he may continue to enrich her/his partner's life. Each person in marriage has a commitment to give one's partner the space, so that the other may continue to grow and develop. I believe that it is important not to lose oneself as a person in marriage. But rather, continue to enrich oneself as a person, so that both persons in marriage can continue to give oneself to each other. To conclude, marriage should be an enrichment for each of the couple and for both their respective families.

Parenting is a bit of yourself and a bit of your children

Many parents think of parenting as giving on to our children our norms and values, that they may also take them as their own. But this is just actually half of it. The other half of parenting, to my opinion and in my own practice, is letting our children participate in their own upbringing. As a matter of fact, generation gap exists between parents and children. And for some, cultural gap also exists. We, as parents, are a product of our times and of the particular culture we grew in. Our children are a product of their time, the present, and of the particular (sub)culture they are growing in. It is therefore too much to expect from our children to fully understand and empathize with our own norms and values. For our norms and values are a product of our generation and the particular culture we grew in, which is beyond the experience of our children. No matter how we explain our point of view to our children, they remain our point of view. In the same way, no matter how we try to understand the present generation and the (sub)culture of our children, they remain our children's world of experience. So, there will always be a generation gap and a cultural gap between us, parents, and our children. To accept this as a fact is, to my opinion, essential in parenting.

Having accepted the fact that there will always be a generation gap and a cultural gap between us and our children is the first step in parenting. Then we are ready for the second step. And this is letting our children themselves participate in their own upbringing. Of course, an important aspect of this is letting our children understand that their parents come from another generation and (sub)culture, a world which is not theirs. If our children understand this, then they will also realize that their present norms and values are not necessarily ours, and that it may be difficult for us to completely understand these norms and values, and tolerate them, much more accept them.

So now we have parents who accept the fact that their children don't live in the same "world of experience" as they have lived. And we have children who understand that their parents came from another "world of experience", different from theirs. Then the process of dialogue and negotiation between parents and children can begin. A process based on a mutual acceptance of each other's differences in perspectives, where each one is open to take the other into consideration, and on this basis will be open to accommodate each other in a healthy compromise. This, I think, is the essence of parenting. It is a bit of yourself, and a bit of your children.

Intercultural counseling

As a Filipina psychologist I get requests every now and then from mixed Filipina-Dutch couples to mediate in their conflicts. Somehow there seems to be a need for psychologists who are able to take on the perspectives of both cultures in cases of mixed marriages. As a matter of principle, I believe that psychologists should be able to view problems from various points of view and perspectives. Afterall, the science of psychology pertains to human behaviour, be it in the Western context or in another cultural context. Does a psychologist having exposure to both cultures (in this case, Filipino and Dutch) have an added value in mediating conflicts in mixed marriages? I would say "Yes and No". I guess this depends on the nature of the conflict. If the cultural differences (especially the manner of communication) play a major role in the conflict, then I would say "Yes". In this case, we can speak of 'intercultural counseling'. In other cases (that is, wherein the nature of the conflict has least to do with cultural differences), then I would say "No". To read more on intercultural counseling, taking the example of Filipinas in The Netherlands, click on the link below.

http://home.planet.nl/~butal000/M-thesis/Counseling.html

What it takes to politically participate?

Political participation is a very broad concept, from voting in elections to holding a public office. In other words, political participation includes all forms of "making yourself count" and "getting yourself be heard" and "influencing public policies".

For a migrant, like me, political participation in the host country is very much related to ones integration process. In the more than 20 years that I've been in The Netherlands, I underwent a process of changing perspectives. (I'd rather call it changing perspectives than changing identities.) I started off as a Filipina who went abroad. I didn't then consider myself as part of Dutch society, but more as an outsider, observing with curiosity the new culture I was in. (I intentionally used the term 'curiosity', because when you are 'curious' you are not pre-judgemental and are not quick to give judgements to what you have seen. But rather you tend to look at new things with an open mind, trying to understand it, taking pleasures in the new knowledge you acquired.)

Going back to my process of integration, from an outsider observer I moved on to becoming a migrant. As a migrant you consider yourself part of the society, but also attributing to yourself the disadvantaged position of migrants. Due to language and cultural discontinuity, migrants are in general put in a disadvantaged position where opportunities are being missed.

The next turning point in my change of perspectives was when I started working. I worked as a coordinator of a parenting program for families in disadvantaged position. I was then exposed to working in the disadvantaged communities in the city where I lived, where the rate of unemployment, single parenthood, low educational attainment, is higher than average. I always thought that migrants as a rule are in the lowest level of the social ladder. But when I went to these communities I saw that there are also white Dutch people who are in disadvantaged position. And I stopped pitying myself as a migrant. And from this point on, I realized that I have a lot to contribute to the society where I was in. And I became an integral part of the Dutch society, bringing along with me my Filipino heritage and culture.

Going back to the question "What it takes to politically participate?", I guess it's important to realize first that you have something to contribute to the society where you are in. Then the rest will follow. And before you know it, you have already become an integral part of the society where you are in, carrying with you your own heritage and culture.