Yes, you got it right! Dancing can be a form of relation therapy, and it's fun and relaxing too. I'm taking ballroom and Latin dance lessons together with my husband for 3 years now. And I came to realize that it can really be a form of relation therapy.
Dancing reveals a lot about the nature of ones relationship. In dancing, the woman has to let herself be led by the man. As our dance instructor would always tell us, "Trust your partner, let him lead. If he doesn't , then don't take it over". Right from the start of our dance lessons, we immeidately noticed that I find it hard to let myself be led by my husband. This actually reflects a lot about our relationship. In our relationship I tend to just do my own things, and my husband has his own things too. And we are used to just coordinating our activities. We enjoy though talking about each of our activities, but we are sort of independent from each other in what we do. But we were really never conscious of this, until we started taking dance lessons. How we dance reflects a lot about the nature of our relationship. We have really never come to a point in our dancing that my husband has the leading role. We sort of learned to accept it and live by it, and just found a practical solution to it by coordinating the dance steps we will be doing, and which direction we will be dancing. And somehow by doing this, we are able to pretty much dance in step with each other. We do make mistakes, and sometimes argue who made the mistake. But more often we are able to laugh at our mistakes. We are not really the best dancers in our group, though we are not the worst either. But more importantly we enjoy our dancing lessons very much. It is very relaxing, fun to do and especially fun to do together. Just like our relationship, we get along pretty well by coordinating our activities, activities we do independently from each other and thus giving each of us the space and room to work on our personal development in our own manner and pace. Just like dancing, we talk about it and make sure that we are still in pace with each other. Just like dancing we enjoy the company of each other, we sometimes argue about things, but more importantly we can laugh about our mistakes. Just like dancing, our relationship is very relaxing, and we have fun being together. So, why don't you take dancing lessons with your partner and discover the nature of your relationship. It's fun!
Sunday, May 6, 2007
Monday, April 30, 2007
On marriage
Today I would like to share with you some of my thoughts about marriage and relationships. Here are some portions of a speech I made in the occasion of the wedding of a niece of mine, which pretty much reflect what I think about marriage and relationships.
A wedding is traditionally the moment when the bride is given away by her family to the groom and his family. Then the bride becomes an official member of the groom’s family. And this is symbolized by taking on the family name of the groom by the bride. However, I believe that the essence of marriage is something more than this. In the first place, I don’t think that marriage is giving away the bride to the groom. Rather, in marriage both families gain a new member into their family, so that both families have become “extended families” of each other.
Secondly and more importantly, I believe that marriage is an expression of the couple's commitment for each other. A commitment to build their own family based on their love and respect for each other. Marriage is also an expression of shared commitment of both families of the bride and groom to give support to this new couple who are about to build their own family.
To build their own family, based on the values they have learned from their respective parents and from their environment. Naturally, they will be making their own choices and decisions; choices and decisions which may, or may not be, to the liking of their respective parents. And in the process they may even make mistakes. I believe that the new couple deserves to have their own space, enough space which allows them to make their own mistakes and learn from them. This means respecting and accepting the choices and decisions they will be making, and having the trust and confidence that we, as parents, have imparted to them the knowledge and values necessary for them to be able to make decisions that are best for them.
As I already mentioned earlier, marriage is an expression of the couple's commitment to each other. Commitment is most often associated with making sacrifices for the sake of the other. But I would rather say, commitment is growing together and continuing to enrich each others lives. Each person in marriage has a commitment to herself/himself to continue to grow and develop, so that she/he may continue to enrich her/his partner's life. Each person in marriage has a commitment to give one's partner the space, so that the other may continue to grow and develop. I believe that it is important not to lose oneself as a person in marriage. But rather, continue to enrich oneself as a person, so that both persons in marriage can continue to give oneself to each other. To conclude, marriage should be an enrichment for each of the couple and for both their respective families.
A wedding is traditionally the moment when the bride is given away by her family to the groom and his family. Then the bride becomes an official member of the groom’s family. And this is symbolized by taking on the family name of the groom by the bride. However, I believe that the essence of marriage is something more than this. In the first place, I don’t think that marriage is giving away the bride to the groom. Rather, in marriage both families gain a new member into their family, so that both families have become “extended families” of each other.
Secondly and more importantly, I believe that marriage is an expression of the couple's commitment for each other. A commitment to build their own family based on their love and respect for each other. Marriage is also an expression of shared commitment of both families of the bride and groom to give support to this new couple who are about to build their own family.
To build their own family, based on the values they have learned from their respective parents and from their environment. Naturally, they will be making their own choices and decisions; choices and decisions which may, or may not be, to the liking of their respective parents. And in the process they may even make mistakes. I believe that the new couple deserves to have their own space, enough space which allows them to make their own mistakes and learn from them. This means respecting and accepting the choices and decisions they will be making, and having the trust and confidence that we, as parents, have imparted to them the knowledge and values necessary for them to be able to make decisions that are best for them.
As I already mentioned earlier, marriage is an expression of the couple's commitment to each other. Commitment is most often associated with making sacrifices for the sake of the other. But I would rather say, commitment is growing together and continuing to enrich each others lives. Each person in marriage has a commitment to herself/himself to continue to grow and develop, so that she/he may continue to enrich her/his partner's life. Each person in marriage has a commitment to give one's partner the space, so that the other may continue to grow and develop. I believe that it is important not to lose oneself as a person in marriage. But rather, continue to enrich oneself as a person, so that both persons in marriage can continue to give oneself to each other. To conclude, marriage should be an enrichment for each of the couple and for both their respective families.
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