On marriage

Today I would like to share with you some of my thoughts about marriage and relationships. Here are some portions of a speech I made in the occasion of the wedding of a niece of mine, which pretty much reflect what I think about marriage and relationships.

A wedding is traditionally the moment when the bride is given away by her family to the groom and his family. Then the bride becomes an official member of the groom’s family. And this is symbolized by taking on the family name of the groom by the bride. However, I believe that the essence of marriage is something more than this. In the first place, I don’t think that marriage is giving away the bride to the groom. Rather, in marriage both families gain a new member into their family, so that both families have become “extended families” of each other.

Secondly and more importantly, I believe that marriage is an expression of the couple's commitment for each other. A commitment to build their own family based on their love and respect for each other. Marriage is also an expression of shared commitment of both families of the bride and groom to give support to this new couple who are about to build their own family.

To build their own family, based on the values they have learned from their respective parents and from their environment. Naturally, they will be making their own choices and decisions; choices and decisions which may, or may not be, to the liking of their respective parents. And in the process they may even make mistakes. I believe that the new couple deserves to have their own space, enough space which allows them to make their own mistakes and learn from them. This means respecting and accepting the choices and decisions they will be making, and having the trust and confidence that we, as parents, have imparted to them the knowledge and values necessary for them to be able to make decisions that are best for them.

As I already mentioned earlier, marriage is an expression of the couple's commitment to each other. Commitment is most often associated with making sacrifices for the sake of the other. But I would rather say, commitment is growing together and continuing to enrich each others lives. Each person in marriage has a commitment to herself/himself to continue to grow and develop, so that she/he may continue to enrich her/his partner's life. Each person in marriage has a commitment to give one's partner the space, so that the other may continue to grow and develop. I believe that it is important not to lose oneself as a person in marriage. But rather, continue to enrich oneself as a person, so that both persons in marriage can continue to give oneself to each other. To conclude, marriage should be an enrichment for each of the couple and for both their respective families.